Counselling after trauma and difficult experiences

What trauma can look like

Trauma is less about what happened and more about how it affected you. An accident, an assault, a medical emergency, a sudden loss, bullying, or abuse in childhood or in a relationship can all leave a lasting mark. So can experiences that went on quietly for years, such as growing up feeling unsafe, unseen or criticised.

The effects can be confusing, particularly if they appear long after the event. You might notice:

• Memories, images or dreams that intrude when you least expect them
• Feeling constantly on guard, jumpy or easily startled
• Avoiding people, places or conversations that remind you of what happened
• Numbness, disconnection or feeling detached from your body or surroundings
• Sudden waves of shame, fear or anger that seem out of proportion
• Difficulty trusting others or feeling close to them

Why your mind and body respond this way

When we face something overwhelming, our nervous system does whatever it can to help us survive: fight, flight, freeze or shut down. These responses are automatic and wise in the moment. Sometimes, though, the body carries on reacting as if the danger has not passed. A tone of voice or a particular smell can set off alarm bells before your thinking mind has time to catch up.

Understanding this can be a relief in itself. Your reactions are not a sign that you are broken or weak. They are signs of a system that worked hard to protect you, and that may now need help to recognise that it is safe to stand down.

Trauma can also shape how we see ourselves and others. Beliefs such as “the world is dangerous”, “I can’t trust anyone” or “it was my fault” often grow out of difficult experiences. They made sense at the time, but they can keep you feeling isolated long after the danger has gone. In a safe relationship, those beliefs can gradually be noticed, understood and softened.

Safety first, always

I want to be clear about how I work. I am an integrative psychotherapist, not a specialist trauma clinic, and I do not offer EMDR or other specialist trauma-processing therapies. What I offer is a careful, relationship-based approach that puts your sense of safety at the centre.

• Stabilisation before exploration. Early sessions focus on helping you feel more grounded day to day, not on retelling what happened.
• Your pace, your choice. You never have to share details you are not ready to share. We can pause, slow down or change direction at any time.
• Working with the body. Drawing on my background in yoga and mind–body awareness, I can share simple grounding and breathing practices to help you come back to the present when you feel overwhelmed.
• Building trust. For many people, a consistent, respectful relationship is healing in itself, especially if trust has been broken before.

If, as we work together, it becomes clear that a specialist trauma service would serve you better, I will talk that through with you honestly and help you think about next steps.

A simple grounding exercise

When you feel swept away by a memory or a surge of panic, try gently orienting to the here and now. Notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste. Feel your feet on the floor and let your out-breath be a little longer than your in-breath. It won’t make everything go away, but it can help your body register that, in this moment, you are safe enough.

It can also help to build a small “toolkit” for difficult moments: a comforting object, a piece of music that settles you, a scent you like, or the number of someone you can call. Practising these things when you feel calm makes them easier to reach for when you don’t.

Sessions and practicalities

You can see me in person at my practice in Sandhurst, Berkshire, or online by Zoom from anywhere in the UK. Some people find it easier to feel safe in their own space; others prefer the separation of coming to a room away from home. We will talk about what suits you. Sessions are 50 minutes, usually weekly, and everything you share is confidential within the limits explained on my FAQs page.

If you are in crisis

If you are in immediate danger, please call 999. For urgent mental health help, call NHS 111 and select option 2. Samaritans are available day and night on 116 123. Counselling works best alongside these services, not instead of them.

When you’re ready

There is no rush. If you would like to find out whether working together could help, you can book a free discovery call. We will simply talk, and you can decide afterwards whether it feels right.