Couples therapy in Sandhurst and online

Therapy for all couples

Couples therapy is for all couples; same sex or heterosexual, whether married or not. Couples therapy can be helpful at whatever stage of your relationship: in the early years as you learn to live together, after the arrival of children, through the pressures of mid-life, or later on when the shape of life changes again.

For many couples the aim is to strengthen the relationship and rediscover the closeness that has been lost. In some situations, the aim may be to part respectfully, with as little harm as possible to each other and to any children involved. Both are valid reasons to come, and I will not push you in either direction.

Common reasons couples come to see me

• arguing more, or the same argument going round in circles
• feeling distant, lonely or more like flatmates than partners
• a breakdown of trust, including after an affair
• difficulties around intimacy and sex
• stress from work, money, health or caring responsibilities
• differences over parenting, or tensions with wider family
• big transitions, such as a new baby, moving home, redundancy or retirement
• deciding whether to stay together or separate

You don’t need to be in crisis to come. Many couples find it helpful to have a check-in before small difficulties become big ones.

How does it work?

Over time, the demands of life can create distance between partners, and negative feelings can build up without either person quite meaning them to. Therapy offers a safe space for couples to express openly and honestly the difficulties they are experiencing, strategies to break out of unhealthy patterns and practice new ways of communicating.

My role is not to take sides or decide who is right. I am there for the relationship, helping each of you to feel heard and to understand what is really happening beneath the surface of your disagreements.

Approaches I use

I hold a certificate in couple work and draw on a range of well-respected methods, choosing what suits you both:

• Imago Dialogue — a structured way of talking in which each partner uses “I” statements to share their feelings, rather than blame, while the other listens and reflects back
• The 5 Love Languages — Gary Chapman’s framework for understanding how each of you gives and receives love; you can read more in my blog post What’s your love language?
• Gottman methods — practical tools for managing conflict, building friendship and turning towards each other
• EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) techniques — helping you understand the emotional needs beneath your patterns and build a more secure bond
• Genograms — a family map that helps us see patterns passed down through generations, and how they show up in your relationship today

Both partners matter

In order for any couple relationship to be healthy, both partners need to also feel healthy. Sometimes stress, anxiety, low mood or unresolved grief in one person affects the whole relationship. Where it would help, we can talk about whether one or both of you might also benefit from some individual counselling alongside, or after, our couples work.

When couples therapy isn’t the right fit

Couples therapy relies on both partners feeling safe to speak freely. For that reason, it is not suitable where there is ongoing domestic abuse. If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, or are worried that you might be, you can talk to someone in confidence at the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, free and at any time. I am also happy to talk with you individually about what support might help.

What to expect

We start with a free discovery call by phone, so you can ask questions and see whether I feel like the right person for you both. In our first session I will want to hear from each of you about what has brought you here, what you each hope for, and a little about how your relationship began. We will also agree how we will work together, including confidentiality.

It is common for one partner to feel keener than the other at first. That is fine; you are both welcome exactly as you are.

Fairness, safety and confidentiality

Couples often worry that the therapist will end up siding with one of them. I work hard to make sure that doesn’t happen. I will make sure you each have time to speak and to be listened to, and I will gently slow things down if a conversation starts to escalate. Sessions are a place to understand each other, not to win.

What you share is confidential, within the limits I explain at the start of our work. We will also agree together how we handle anything either of you might say to me outside of joint sessions, so that trust is protected for both of you. Between sessions I may suggest small things to try at home, such as a short daily check-in or a structured dialogue, so that the changes you make in the room carry into everyday life.

Practicalities

• Where: in person at my practice in Sandhurst, Berkshire, or online by Zoom anywhere in the UK — whether you join from the same room or separate locations, we can discuss what works
• Length: 50-minute sessions (£140) or 75-minute sessions (£175)
• Frequency: usually weekly at first, moving to fortnightly or monthly as things settle
• Payment: by bank transfer before each session — full details on my prices page

Ready to talk?

Taking the step together is a sign of care for your relationship. Book a free discovery call and we can talk about how couples therapy might help you both.