More than feeling sad
People often imagine depression as constant tearfulness, but it frequently feels more like flatness, numbness or a greyness that settles over everything. Clients sometimes describe it as walking through treacle, or watching life happen behind glass. It can creep up slowly over months, or arrive after a loss, an illness or a period of intense pressure.
Depression can show up as:
- Losing interest or pleasure in things you used to enjoy
- Exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix, or sleeping far more or far less than usual
- Changes in appetite, and finding it hard to concentrate or make decisions
- A harsh inner voice telling you that you are a burden, a failure or not good enough
- Withdrawing from friends and family, or feeling lonely even when you are with them
- Feelings of hopelessness, guilt or emptiness
If several of these have been with you for more than a couple of weeks, it is worth talking to someone. It is also a good idea to speak to your GP, who can check for any physical causes and talk you through all of your options.
Understanding where it comes from
Depression is not a character flaw, and it is not something you can simply snap out of. It usually develops from a mix of things: life events such as bereavement, redundancy or relationship breakdown; long-term stress; physical health and hormonal changes; and patterns we learned early on, such as always putting others first or keeping our feelings to ourselves.
Depression also tends to feed itself. When we feel low we do less, see people less and sleep poorly, and those changes in turn deepen the low mood. Recognising that cycle can be the first step to gently interrupting it.
Sometimes depression is a signal that something important has been pushed down for a long time: grief that hasn’t been expressed, anger that never felt safe, or needs that have gone unmet. Part of our work can be listening to what your low mood might be trying to tell you, with curiosity rather than criticism.
What we might do together
When you are depressed, the idea of “doing therapy” can feel like one more demand. So I don’t expect you to arrive with the right words. Early sessions are often simply about being heard, and finding some relief in not having to hold everything alone.
As an integrative therapist I bring together different approaches depending on what you need. We might explore the history and relationships that shaped how you see yourself, notice the self-critical thoughts that keep you stuck and practise answering them more kindly, and reconnect gently with your body, which often shuts down when mood is low. Simple breathing and movement practices drawn from my yoga training can help you feel a little more present and alive.
Over time many people start to notice small shifts: a morning that feels lighter, a conversation that feels easier, a flicker of interest returning. I can’t promise how quickly that will happen, but I will stay alongside you while it does.
Gentle steps between sessions
- Think small. A five-minute walk, a shower or a text to a friend counts. Tiny actions can slowly rebuild momentum.
- Get outside in daylight when you can, even briefly. It can help your sleep and your mood.
- Keep some routine around waking, eating and going to bed, even on difficult days.
- Stay connected, even in small ways. A short phone call or sitting in the same room as someone you trust can ease the isolation depression brings.
- Notice the inner critic. Ask yourself whether you would speak to a friend the way you are speaking to yourself.
Where and how we meet
I see clients in person at my practice in Sandhurst, Berkshire, and online by Zoom for anyone in the UK. When energy is low, online counselling can be a real help because there is no journey to face. Sessions are 50 minutes, usually weekly, and you can read more about how I work with individual clients and what to expect.
If you need help right now
Counselling is not an emergency service. If you are having thoughts of ending your life or are worried you might act on them, please reach out straight away. Call 999 or go to A&E if you are in immediate danger. For urgent mental health support, call NHS 111 and choose option 2. You can talk to Samaritans any time, day or night, on 116 123. You deserve support, and it is there.
Reaching out
If you have been carrying this for a while, simply making contact is a meaningful step. I offer a free discovery call so you can hear my voice, ask questions and see how it feels, with no obligation to continue. Book your free call here.
Frequently asked questions
Should I see my GP as well as a counsellor?
It is often a good idea. Your GP can rule out physical causes, talk to you about medication if appropriate, and counselling can sit alongside whatever support they offer.
I’m on antidepressants. Can I still have counselling?
Yes. Many people find that medication and talking therapy work well together. Any decisions about medication are for you and your GP.
What if I don’t know what to say in a session?
That is completely fine and very common with depression. I will help guide the conversation, and silence is allowed too.
What happens if I tell you I’ve had thoughts of suicide?
I will listen without judgement and we will talk about how to keep you safe. If I am concerned about your safety, I would encourage further support and might ask to contact your GP or someone you trust.