Bereavement and grief counselling

Everyone grieves differently

When someone we love dies, the world can tilt on its axis. Some people feel waves of sorrow that knock them off their feet; others feel strangely numb and wonder why they are not crying more. You might feel anger, guilt, relief, or all of these in the same afternoon. None of it means you are grieving “wrongly”.

Grief can also be physical. Exhaustion, poor sleep, aches, loss of appetite and a foggy, forgetful mind are all common. And it doesn’t follow a timetable. An anniversary, a song or a smell in the supermarket can bring it rushing back years later.

Losses that can be hard to talk about

Some bereavements carry extra weight, and may leave you feeling that others don’t quite understand. I offer a space where any loss can be spoken about openly, including:

• A sudden or unexpected death, or a death by suicide
• The loss of a baby, pregnancy or longed-for child
• The death of a parent, and the shift it brings in your own sense of place in the family
• Complicated relationships, where love sits alongside hurt or unfinished business
• Loss of a pet, which can be deeply painful yet sometimes dismissed by others
• Anticipatory grief while someone you love is seriously ill

Grief also isn’t only about death. The end of a marriage, the loss of health, a career or a hoped-for future can all bring a very real sense of mourning. These losses are sometimes called “disenfranchised grief” because others may not recognise them, which can leave you feeling alone with your sadness.

Making sense of grief

You may have heard of the “stages of grief”. Many people find it more helpful to think of grief as moving back and forth: sometimes facing the loss and feeling its full weight, sometimes turning towards everyday life and taking a break from it. Both are necessary. Over time, rather than the grief shrinking, life tends to grow around it, and the bond with the person you have lost can change shape rather than disappear.

Grief can also stir up older losses. A new bereavement sometimes reawakens feelings from a previous one, or from childhood, which can be bewildering if you thought you had come to terms with it. And in families, each person may grieve in their own way and at their own speed, which can lead to misunderstandings just when you most need each other.

When grief feels stuck, it is often because something hasn’t yet had a chance to be felt or said. That is where counselling can help.

How I support you

In our sessions there is no pressure to “move on” or to feel better by a certain date. I will listen to your story, as many times as you need to tell it. We might talk about the person you have lost, the relationship you shared, and the parts that are hardest to put into words. Sometimes clients like to bring photos, write a letter they never got to send, or explore rituals that feel meaningful.

Drawing on my integrative training, I pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and also to how grief sits in your body. Gentle breath and grounding practices can help when emotions feel overwhelming. If grief has affected your relationship, perhaps you and your partner are grieving in very different ways, couples counselling can help you understand and support each other.

Looking after yourself in the meantime

• Be patient with yourself. Concentration and energy are often low for a long time after a loss.
• Let people help in practical ways, such as meals, lifts or company on a hard day.
• Keep a simple routine of eating, sleeping and getting some fresh air where you can.
• Give yourself permission to take breaks from grief. Enjoying a moment, or laughing, is not a betrayal of the person you have lost.
• Write to the person who has died, or keep a journal of memories, thoughts and things you wish you could tell them.
• Plan ahead for difficult dates like birthdays and anniversaries, and decide how you would like to mark them.

Meeting in Sandhurst or online

I offer bereavement counselling in person at my practice in Sandhurst, Berkshire, and online by Zoom for anyone in the UK. Some bereaved people prefer to talk from the comfort of home, especially in the early weeks. Sessions are 50 minutes, and we can work for a set number of sessions or open-ended, whichever feels right. There is no expectation that you will reach a particular point by the end; we simply go at the pace your grief needs.

If you are ready to talk, or just want to find out more, you can book a free discovery call. I would be glad to hear from you.